As I sit here fighting the urge to feel sorry for myself, I am reminded of Gods love. People all over are praying for us and for that we are so grateful. We have received so many cards, offers for babysitting, meals and even people willing to come over and clean or do laundry. Gods people are so good! I can't imagine what kind of attitude or kind of depressed state I'd be in if people weren't praying. I struggle so much with whys...........why is Jude still in the hospital? Why isn't Jude gaining weight? Why don't I want to go to the hospital and see him? It is so hard to go up to the hospital, spend a few hours talking to my sweet boy, praying over him and then putting him back in his crib, walking out the door into the elevator and out to the parking garage. I feel as if I am living in some sort of bubble. Not able to concentrate on one thing or another, not able to let people in, not able to get enough sleep and so on. Why does it have to be like this? I know God has a reason and a plan and I keep reminding myself that everything is better in Gods timing. Is there something I am missing or something more that we should be learning from this experience? It is such a struggle. Every time I start feeling like this God gives me a gentle nudge and says "Daughter, I am with you always". I am not upset with God or mad about the turn of events in the last few weeks. I have actually learned a lot about people. That is for sure. People in our church and people all over the place are so willing to help and to reach out to us. This in itself has taught me what it is like to be part of a "church family". Of course our earthly families have been such a help and a blessing in so many ways too. I am not really a people person per say but I really want to be able to express my love and my concern for others when they need the encouragement. Hopefully, God will help me in this area too when the need arises, since I usually would run and hide. Anyways, this really wasn't meant to be some sort of sob story. My whole point is to show what God does for us. He lets us come to Him and vent and then lets us know that things are going to be ok. Our little boy WILL be home soon, I have no doubt of that. I also know, when he does come home, we probably won't leave our house for a month because we will be so excited that everyone will be in one place. Thank you to everyone for your love and support and keep on praying!!